"Pokud někdo nežil velmi dlouhou dobu v zahraničí, jako např. v únoru já, pak mu mohu na požádání poskytnout i exkluzívní českou verzi celého anonymu.
Český překlad autora následuje hned po originálu.
Dear Mr. president G. W. Bush,
I feel embarassed because this Sunday I am writing the letter to somebody else. I always write to the president of the Czech republic, but he hasn't contact me so far, which is similar to UFO, who just appear from time to time in the sky. But you decided to land in our country few days ago. One of my friends who is able to contact UFOs told me, that you are also from another planet. She said it's because you have your eyes so close to one another. But it's only my opinion. First of all, I am sending you many greetings from Old Dobetice and I would like to introduce myself shortly. My name is not important, but they are calling me 'weirdo'. I don't know much about you either, but they say you were a black sheep in your family, women, alcohol, but I consider it absolutely normal... I wasn't any different. I actually find it very manly. But for sure I remember your father, the old man behind the war in Gulf in 1991. He was always playing fair play. I watched the TV live that time about that victory. Your dad was a film director of it by himself, I liked it very much, nothing was filmed in advance which is common for my country and what's more nobody made any mistakes whatsoever. You know Mr. president, a lot of people in my country keep complaining about you all the time without knowing actually why. Don't bother about it, I personally like the USA, it gave me rock 'n'roll, 'texas' shoes, Bukowski, Presley, W. Allen, chewing gum, native indians Blackfoots and hope. Don't even bother to talk about the radar with those useless people in my country who are calling themselves 'politicians'. It's none of their business. Just bring it here and install it, it would just be good if you can introduce it on the earliest electronics fare, which usually takes place for example in Brno. And if not, then put it wherever you want. It should be the pride of our nation full of corruption, something like 'Tuzex' of the best army technology. But back to the point... We normal people will just appreciate if you could cancel the visa to your country in return. There are times when one has nothing to do and would like to go for a trip for few days and it's impossible to do so without visa. Anyway, there are so many of our friends there over the ocean, who made your country famous nearly the same as Edison or Kevorkian, for example Standa Papez/but not "the Pope"/, Bata, M. Forman and so on. But back again... Other than your visit here nothing important happened over the last week, maybe just Anicka is alive and old mushroom picker Mr. Smotlacha died, who was kind of dr. Kevorkian of czech mycology. People here don't take death so seriously, they start to make jokes for example in memory of Mr. Spotlacha, they say the drug addicts will start to make 'potlachy' (something like group sessions in translation) and that they played on his funeral the song 'White fly agaric'/"Muchomůrky bílé" in translation/. But back again...
Just maybe that happened, that first time in my life I saw an UFO on Thursday, which you have plenty of in the USA. They haven't landed here so far, not as in your country like for example in Rosewell in New Mexico as I mentioned at the beginning of my letter. I am sending you a photo, if you dont know it yet. I have more of them, so if FBI or NASA show any interest, I will send them to them, just send me their e-mail address or I will skype
it to them which is for free anyway. But back again... At the end I would like to apologise and also apologise for some for example wrong or wrongly chosen words, because I lived this year in February for a long time abroad, coincidentaly in bush too. So please don't be upset.
God bless you,
your friend
I feel embarassed because this Sunday I am writing the letter to somebody else. I always write to the president of the Czech republic, but he hasn't contact me so far, which is similar to UFO, who just appear from time to time in the sky. But you decided to land in our country few days ago. One of my friends who is able to contact UFOs told me, that you are also from another planet. She said it's because you have your eyes so close to one another. But it's only my opinion. First of all, I am sending you many greetings from Old Dobetice and I would like to introduce myself shortly. My name is not important, but they are calling me 'weirdo'. I don't know much about you either, but they say you were a black sheep in your family, women, alcohol, but I consider it absolutely normal... I wasn't any different. I actually find it very manly. But for sure I remember your father, the old man behind the war in Gulf in 1991. He was always playing fair play. I watched the TV live that time about that victory. Your dad was a film director of it by himself, I liked it very much, nothing was filmed in advance which is common for my country and what's more nobody made any mistakes whatsoever. You know Mr. president, a lot of people in my country keep complaining about you all the time without knowing actually why. Don't bother about it, I personally like the USA, it gave me rock 'n'roll, 'texas' shoes, Bukowski, Presley, W. Allen, chewing gum, native indians Blackfoots and hope. Don't even bother to talk about the radar with those useless people in my country who are calling themselves 'politicians'. It's none of their business. Just bring it here and install it, it would just be good if you can introduce it on the earliest electronics fare, which usually takes place for example in Brno. And if not, then put it wherever you want. It should be the pride of our nation full of corruption, something like 'Tuzex' of the best army technology. But back to the point... We normal people will just appreciate if you could cancel the visa to your country in return. There are times when one has nothing to do and would like to go for a trip for few days and it's impossible to do so without visa. Anyway, there are so many of our friends there over the ocean, who made your country famous nearly the same as Edison or Kevorkian, for example Standa Papez/but not "the Pope"/, Bata, M. Forman and so on. But back again... Other than your visit here nothing important happened over the last week, maybe just Anicka is alive and old mushroom picker Mr. Smotlacha died, who was kind of dr. Kevorkian of czech mycology. People here don't take death so seriously, they start to make jokes for example in memory of Mr. Spotlacha, they say the drug addicts will start to make 'potlachy' (something like group sessions in translation) and that they played on his funeral the song 'White fly agaric'/"Muchomůrky bílé" in translation/. But back again...
Just maybe that happened, that first time in my life I saw an UFO on Thursday, which you have plenty of in the USA. They haven't landed here so far, not as in your country like for example in Rosewell in New Mexico as I mentioned at the beginning of my letter. I am sending you a photo, if you dont know it yet. I have more of them, so if FBI or NASA show any interest, I will send them to them, just send me their e-mail address or I will skype
it to them which is for free anyway. But back again... At the end I would like to apologise and also apologise for some for example wrong or wrongly chosen words, because I lived this year in February for a long time abroad, coincidentaly in bush too. So please don't be upset.
God bless you,
your friend
Vážený pane prezidente G. W. Bushi,
Je mi to trapné, ale tuto neděli píšu nezvykle dopis někomu jinému. Vždycky píšu českému prezidentovi, ale on se mnou doposud nenavázal kontakt, stejně jako ho s námi lidmi doposud nenavazují mimozemšťané, kteří okolo nás čas od času pouze krouží. Vy jste se však v minulých dnech rozhodl, že u nás i přistanete. Jedna moje známá, co má kontakt s mimozemšťanama, mi říkala, že jste taky z jiné planety, prý se to pozná podle toho, že máte tak blízko u sebe ty vaše oči. Ale to je pouze její domněnka. V úvodu svého dopisu vás srdečně zdravím ze Starých Dobětic a chtěl bych se vám jen stručně představit. Na mém jméně nezáleží, ale říkají "blázen". O vás toho také moc nevím, ale prý jste byl černou ovcí rodiny - holky, chlast atd., ale to je přeci naprosto normální, já jsem nebyl jiný. Naopak si myslím, že je to takový chlapský. Dobře si ale pamatuju na vašeho tátu, na tu "starou vojnu" ze Zálivu z 91 roku. To byl rovnej, férovej a přímej chlap. Díval jsem se tenkrát v TV na ten přímej přenos z toho výprasku, jak to váš táta sám režíroval, to se mi líbilo, nic nebylo natočené předem jako u nás, pěkně všechno po pravdě, po vašem "live", a navíc nedošlo ani k žádne chybě, nikdo se nepřeřekl a vždycky se dobře trefil. Víte, pane prezidente, mnoho lidí u nás na vás pořád nadává a vlastně ani nevědí proč, toho si ale vůbec nevšímejte, já osobně mám tu vaší Ameriku rád, dala mi rock´n´roll, texasky, Bukowskiho, Presleye, W. Allena, žvýkačky, indiany Blackfooty a naději. Jo a o tom radaru se tady s těma místníma nýmandama, co ze sebe dělají tzv. "politiky" vůbec nebavte! Ti nemají vůbec co do toho kecat. Normálně to sem privezte a namontujte, pouze by bylo možná napřed dobrý ho předvézt na nějakém nejbližším veletrhu spotřebního zboží, ten se dělá vždycky třeba v Brně. A když ne, tak ho normálně prskněte kam budete chtít. Vždyť to by měla být chlouba našeho zaprodaného národa, jakýsi Tuzex špičkové vojenské techniky. Ale zpět.
My normální lidi tady za to ani nic vlastně nechceme, akorát zařiďte tam u vás v tý vaší vládě ty víza. Kolikrát člověk nemá co dělat, zbyde mu pár dní volna a chtěl by se podívat někam na výlet a ono to nejde. A navíc tam u vás za louží je spousta našich kamarádů, kteří tu vaší Ameriku proslavili skoro jako Edison nebo Kevorkian, namátkou Standa Papež, Baťa, Forman. Ale zpět.
Kromě té vaší návštěvy se tady za minulý týden nic závažného nestalo, snad jenom to, ze Anička žije a že na druhou stranu umřel starý houbař p. Smotlacha, to byl takový český mykologický Dr. Kevorkian. Tady u nás si ale lidi ze smrti nijak hlavu nedělají a hned se na ně vymýšlejí vtipy, že třeba na počest tohodle p. Smotlachy budou dělat narkomani potlachy nebo že na jeho pohřbu se hrála písnička "Muchomůrky bílé" atd. Ale zpět.
Snad se stalo jenom to, že jsem ve čtvrtek uviděl poprvé v životě UFO, kterých vy máte v Americe spoustu, tady ale ještě nikdy nepřistáli jako třeba u vás v Rosewellu v Novém Mexiku, jak už jsem se zmínil v úvodu. Posílám vám i fotku, jestli je náhodou už neznáte, mám jich ale víc, tak kdyby měla u vás třeba FBI nebo NASA zájem, tak jim je pošlu, jenom mi napište jejich mailovou adresu nebo jim to pošlu skypem, tam je to i zadarmo. Ale zpět.
Na závěr bych se vám chtěl omluvit a taky se omluvit za některá třeba špatně nebo nevhodně volená slova, já jsem totiž žil letos v únoru velice dlouhou dobu v zahraničí, shodou okolností i v buši. Tak se nezlobte.
Přeji vám bomba den, supr víkend a příjemný zbytek týdne
přítel
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